-As those who have a Facebook account know, they have a feature called “Memories” which shows what you posted on the current day years ago. For someone like me who started on Facebook in 2009, that’s a lot of memories each day. I do check them daily (mainly for stuff to post on my Instagram page at this time), but today, I saw this post from one year ago (2021)…

…Last night I had a Sarcoidosis (Sarco) flare-up. Bad. It’s even worse when combined with brain fog… turned in real early last night but had to call in today. Not bad earlier but coming back tonight No insurance till January so I can’t see a doctor yet and, even if I could, the last time I had a flare-up this bad, it took me 4 months to get an appointment (they won’t give you a steroid refill without testing), did that, had to wait a few more months only to be told on day of results that their computers were down plus it’s been too long between test and results and I’d have to do it all over again …Right now it’s a mixture of bed rest, Liquid Advil, Dayquil / Nyquil and chicken soup Any suggestions, at least to handle the inflammation / lethargy? Thanks in advance…

-Seeing this shook me up – and this happened before I had to go into work 😦 It made for a long day. I tend to dwell on things, and with this – and knowing now (with 20/20 hindsight) how things ended…lets just say I had a lot on my mind… It really hit me hard not only due to what happened, but that a year has already gone by. It’s strange cause I would normally write something like this in my personal journals, but they are currently backed up by at least a month; I guess this will have to do (for now) cause keeping things all inside isn’t healthy so..

-November thru January have always be hard months for me emotionally – and I knew it would be worse this year as 2022 was starting to wind down. The last five years have been a…character building experience (to be polite and to say the least), but the last three were mentally and emotionally agonizing for me. The first week on November 2019, Dad died – and all the things that happened leading up to that…then becoming a caretaker for two years after that…to December 2022, where not only did me and Mom catch Covid, but Pneumonia on top of that. Things got worse till both of us were rushed to the hospital on Christmas Eve. She got a room that night; I had to endure a lot of physical pain till I got my room at noon (!) the next day (what a way to spend Christmas)…to January, where I had been released the week before but,unfortunately, Mom wasn’t as lucky and died the first week…Just a horrible, horrible chain of events. I won’t go into too much here – that’s what my year end wrap up posts are for right? Having said that, it’s possible that I might just share some more “thoughts” via this medium. Maybe…

-I believe part of this is also due to this being the first Thanksgiving / Christmas / New Years with neither parent being alive. I love / miss them very much and think about them daily. It’s also strange cause there are times where the realization just hits me – I could’ve died last year. There’s still so much that I want to do and have to prepare for – and if that’s not enough to get my ass in gear, I’m not sure what is…

-It also doesn’t help that my mind and body are basically exhausted right now. The combo of aging and Sarco is quite the “one-two punch” that I seem to go thru almost every day. Admittedly, I am doing better than I was when 2022 started so there’s that. Having said that, I’m still very deep in the hole I’ve made for myself. I just have to do the best I can to get out of it – one step at a time, one day at a time…